Monday, September 14, 2009


I'm not feeling very chipper today. I'm just a little pissed with myself because, once again, I am playing catch-up and it's exausting. I have a booth at the school's open house this week (thurs) that I basically have NOTHING prepared for, late last week I got the lovely assignment of fit-testing all 164 of our employees for the N95 respirator masks, I haven't studied at ALL for my written exam - and wednesday I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon to discuss my reconstructive breast surgery.
I am just a tad nervous about that last one one.
I hate that I am such a procrastinator. But I can never seem to stop my self-destructing behavior. I put things off til the last minute or I over-schedule so I don't have enough time to get things done *right*. Help us!
I was all cocky earlier today, whipping through a project on my desk thinking I would even finish and sneak out of work early- then a 911 went out for someone who had fallen off a 30 ft cliff. It took us 30 minutes to get to the scene 27 miles away because of road construction. The patient turned out to be OK, but we packaged him and transported anyway because he was 80, and had multiple lacerations that needed cleaning too.
Back in the ER, the nurse asked me to take vitals on another patient in bed C because she couldn't get a blood pressure on the guy. He had one - 124/74 - but by the time I got done giving him shit, it was 15 minutes later and I still had my rig to gas up, wash and O2 tanks to swap. By the time I got back in the ambulance bay, almost everyone else had left for the day shift, so I turned the radio up and the hose on.
I was so frickin tired after washing that beast, and pretty much soaked to the skin from sweat and spray from the hose, when I got back to my desk and saw my abandoned work from earlier, I just groaned.
Oh well. It will still be there at 0600 tomorrow. It was just 17 minutes shy of 1800 when I finally punched out. Not a terribly long day, but long enough.
Now supper is over, my daughter is doing her homework on one side of me, and my son is curled up on the other watching Scooby doo. There are a million things that need to be done. But I can't, not right now.
Because I don't want to regret *not* doing this. Watching my daughter read, I feel regret for all of the things I have left undone, today, over the years... A million things I never did right. But right here there are two that I did, and they are perfect.


  1. Self destructive behavior? I'm hip. Procrastinating or overbooking myself? All the time, and it has hurt my career or career path should I say, in many ways. Oh well. I am just letting you know you are not alone. And besides, life is not easy and we can only live it one day at a time.

  2. You are so right about what you did right (although you need to give yourself more credit for way more of the other stuff, too!)...they are perfect, and sitting there with them IS the right thing to do. Funny...procrastinating is what I really hate about myself, too.