Want

I want ice cold fanta orange pop in the bottle.

I want Juicy Fruit. I want to ride my bike down the FlyAsh road. I want to play house in that grove of pine up on the hill.

I want to climb the apple tree. I want to play hide and seek in the root cellar.

I want to be nine years old again.

I want to pop balsam bark pitch blisters with a stick, set it afloat in the creek and watch it flame.

I want to play kick the can in the dark. I want to run down the worn wooden front steps, down the dirt path and over the old wood bridge, even further, where the swing hangs from that big old birch and when I push off with a running leap I swing out over the ravine, my stomach drops and it is the best feeling *ever*.

I want to climb the ladder to the loft. I want to tell secrets to my best friend. I want to eat thick slabs of homemade whole grain bread with butter.

I want to sit on the porch rail with my best friend and watch her sister flirt with my brother. I want to sneak down to the sawmill and play softball. I want to sit in the field and eat wild strawberries until my lips, tongue and fingers are stained red.

I want to press my ear to the railroad track and "listen" for trains. I want to lie on my back in the blueberry bushes and watch dragonflies. I want ice cream, cold and sweet and drippy, melting faster than I can eat it.

I want my mom to make me tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I my brothers to let me tag along on an adventure to find Bigfoot. I want to be knee-deep in the water, catching sucker fish with my bare hands. I want my sister to read outloud to me.

I want my mother showing me how to sew. I want to ride in the backseat with my bestfriend and make faces at the boys in the van behind us.

I want to wear my pink and white striped dress. I want to go barefoot in the garden and pick peas. I want a fresh stalk of rubarb dipped in sugar to eat.

What do you want?

They are precious in His sight

I had to make a special point tonight of spending extra time with each of my kids. I'm not sure why, I certainly wasn't feeling guilty since I had just spent the entire weekend taking them sledding, swimming, cooking special dinners and even baking a pie! Imagine that. My energy has come back so instead of lying around on the sofa I am delving into piles of laundry from the past 3 months, cleaning the kids' rooms and washing windows. I want to not only feel normal again, I want my family to realize how much I appreciated them holding down the fort for me the last few months of my illness.
But tonight the kids were just so cute at the dinner table I wanted to hold them tight and never let them go - not get one inch taller, not learn one more cruel thing, never know a home without me in it.
Of course I couldn't tie them down til bedtime - they had better things to do than cuddle with me, of course, like playing Polly Pockets and trucks. So I busied myself with a crossword until they were tuckered out and looking for mom - my eight year old actually requested I lie down with her when tucking her in, something she has outgrown only recently, but I was all too happy to oblige. We laid down in her bed amongst the stuffed animals, our heads together, listening to Taylor Swift playing softly on her stereo (she has been falling asleep to music since she was an infant - it used to be Johnny Cash, lately its either Taylor or Elvis), while she told me about her school day in hushed whispers. It was over too quickly. She was soon sound asleep, her hand in mine.
I was soon jarred awake by the sound of my son bellering for me from the next room. He was all too happy to join me in my bed, excited to have his pacifier (he's only allowed it at bedtime now) and favorite blankie to rub his nose with, exactly as his sister did at that age. As we settled into our pillows, he reached up and touched my cheek. "Mom, you da best mom da world".
How can I argue with that?

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