Monday, March 29, 2010

I still Pink Puffy Heart love you

I know I haven't blogged in awhile. It doesn't mean I don't care about you, my faithful readers, it just means I don't care enough.
My schedule has been keeping me away - that, and I am just totally uninspired. Until last night. I got like a 2 second glimpse of a show called "Kirstie Alley's Big Life" or some such and I was AMAZED.
TOTALLY FLOORED. Not just that someone thought "I know a great idea for a show! Let's gather up some lemur-loving fatties and film them trying to get back on (Jenny) Craig'slist while they self-destruct in front of the camera and prove how bat-shit crazy D-list celebrities are",
But also because SOMEONE GAVE THEM A SHOW.
Really? Seriously, I need a show. I can give you entertainment. And you won't have to watch me stuffing my fat face either. Funny stuff happens to me all the time. Like the other day, when I wore baggy granny panties with my uniform and they fell down all day long so I was constantly hitching up my pants. It took some serious maneuvering to keep my wedgies straight while running around taking care of people. It didn't dawn on me til quittin' time that it would have been easier to just remove them. But then what if I had gotten in an accident, like our mothers always used to say?
For me it would be an ambulance accident, so probably some pretty serious shit. I could have had bilateral femur fractures and some First Responder going after my pants with the trauma shears and there would be nothing I could do about it. I always say underwear are overrated, but not when you're working, man. Anything could happen. I could squat to help a patient and my pants could split right up the crotch. It has happened. And that shit is hilarious.
You know what else is funny? Getting a full chaw of Beechnut spat at you while trying to hold down the Incredible Hulk so your partner can get a line in and an amp of D50 to bring him back to the nice, unassuming, quiet mannered diabetic man whose blood sugars got too low. It took awhile, so by the time I could do anything about it, the sweat trickling from my scalp had already mixed with the chew and ran in my eyes. My partner took me over to the sink and was carefully washing my face and commented, "you have never looked dead sexier".
Take that, Kirstie Alley.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

1 comment:

  1. I was too lazy to jog today, so thanks for the laughs so at least I can say I jogged on the inside! are hysterical. Absolutely, you get a show...I'll watch it online. :)