Thursday, October 21, 2010

Everytime I Fall Apart

So I have this theory. If I think it enough, if I wish it more than anything, I will become it, and make it true. Because that's how it works, right? Isn't that what we are told? Mind over matter, create your own destiny, blah blah blah...well I admit I completely buy into this. I do. Everything I have accomplished in my life has been the result of my own blood, sweat and tears. My grit and determination are what has gotten me here. I am strong, fierce, fearless.

And then I get hit with a curveball from out of effen *nowhere*. And I fall apart.

What. The. F. Sometimes I am ashamed. Others I am angry with myself. What am I doing? Shouldn't I be used to this by now? What am I doing wrong that this keeps happening? Why am I such a weak, pathetic mess?

I could go on with the demoralizing self-deprecation, but you get the idea. We've all done it, punished ourselves for being human.

And that's when someone touches me. Sometimes it is only a touch, maybe a word, a look, a smile...but that one gesture, however small, is all I need. It builds me up, gives me love, strengthens my resolve, restores my faith, gives me hope, shares my sorrow, brings me joy, and pulls me together. And I realize, in that sigh of relief, that *this* is how I got here, through all the trials and tribulations of my life, this is why I live. I didn't get here on my own. I'm here because of you. If I let you down, you lifted me up. When I couldn't find my way, you held my hand. The amazing, wonderful truth is not that I am strong, but that you make me strong. We need each other. We cannot do it alone.

We are here to help each other, and that is what I want to do for you. Because each of you, in your own way, everyday, save my life.

And that, my friends, is the human condition.

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