Sunday, February 21, 2010

Why I will not lose sleep over Tiger

So Tiger Woods, who is some kind of famous golfer or LaCrosse player or some such shit, has a press conference Friday to talk about the whorehouse or rehab spa he's spent the last two months in and how sorry he is that his PR people are such pathetic excuses for human beings for not doing a better job of getting him out of the mess he's in. Or maybe he was saying he was sorry for being such a douche canoe manwhore, but that's not what I heard. Basically he appeared really pissed off at having to be there at all, but I see he had to make a point of denying his irate wife nearly succeeded bashing his head in with one of his own golf clubs. Imagine the embarrassment if that story got out. God forbid that frail thing, poor victimized, beautiful-and-cheated-on starter wife actually beat him at his own game. Although I say she should have aimed at his balls, to make it more ironic and maybe kept him from texting his mistress immediately due to the blueness and swelling and all.
Personally I don't buy the whole sex addiction story. First of all, there is no such thing as sex addiction by definition. If he would just man-up and admit to having extra-marital sex and lots of it, he would have more credibility. Nobody would even be surprised, his wife could leave him and be set for life and he could go back to sleeping with ugly-ass whores while making ridiculous amounts of money playing with balls. But instead he is going to pretend to have some disease that basically prevents him from keeping his pecker in his pants, thus reliving him of any manly moral duty to his wife he vowed to be faithful to. So his family and fans should, and must, support his treatment and keep him supplied with porn, chicken and access to an endless supply of hookers.
But I, for one, am not going to partake in this huge steaming pile of dogshit being served up. Here are my reasons;
#1: Tiger Woods means nothing to me. He is not the most famous man in the world I don't care what anyone says.
#2: He plays with balls. This does nothing for mankind. And he is no role model in my book.
#3: He has not found the cure for cancer.
#4: Whether he will return to playing with his balls or not has no revelance and I refuse to lose sleep over it. Because while he is "battling his addiction", I will be fighting for my life.
I hope people can appreciate the difference.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


  1. ...and yet you wrote about him. A lot. Ignore him. He is just a rich man having affairs. How is that different from other rich men having affairs. Why should we care? Just pretend he does not exist, and move on.

  2. Sorry, it is just that if I hear one more thing about Tiger Woods I will scream (and not for ice cream either).